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Kolejny wrzesień, kolejne rozstania, kolejne łzy.
A z nimi kolejne nadinterpretacje dorosłych.
Chcę dzisiaj głośno stanąć w obronie dzieci, które nie potrafią jeszcze precyzyjnie wyrazić tego, co czują. Dzieci, które dziś, wczoraj i jutro płaczą w żłobkach i przedszkolach nie starają się niczego wymóc, nie manipulują nami, dorosłymi, ani nie “przesadzają”. One cierpią. Przeżywają rozstanie z najważniejszymi osobami, doświadczają niepewności, strachu, samotności, obawy o przyszłość. Dadzą sobie z tym radę, bo dzieci potrafią więcej niż nam się wydaje. I być może za dwie godziny albo za dwa tygodnie będą się radośnie bawić, ale teraz zadaniem dorosłych jest BYĆ PRZY NICH, zobaczyć je, utulić, ukoić. Tak, to może być trudne, jeśli płacze naraz czworo małych dzieci, jednak to taka praca - właśnie teraz trzeba się nimi zająć. Pozwólmy im doświadczać to, co czują, nie przelewajmy na nie swojej frustracji, zmęczenia, irytacji. Nie bierzmy ich zachowania do siebie. Potraktujmy ich płacz jako informację o stanie ich ducha. Zobaczmy malutkiego człowieka zostawionego wbrew własnej woli w obcym miejscu, z nieznaną jeszcze osobą - protestuję przeciwko twierdzeniu, że próbuje on wymusić wzięcie na ręce i przeciwko nazywaniu go “małym terrorystą”.
Dużo pracy przed nami.
— Tomasz Tokarz
Having developed a sense of trust in oneself, slowly that expands its expression outward, and the world becomes a friendly world rather than a hostile world. You could say that you have changed the world: you have become the king or queen of the universe. On the other hand, you can’t quite say that, because the world has come towards you, to return your friendship.
— Chögyam Trungpa, “The Teacup & The Skullcup: Where Zen and Tantra Meet”
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If you want to be a complete human being, if you want to be genuine and hold the fullness of life of your heart, then failure is an opportunity to get curious about what is going on and listen to the storylines. Don’t buy the ones that blame it on everybody else, and don’t buy the storylines that blame it on yourself, either.

Pema Chödrön

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Can a person be a codependent and narcissist at the same time? Codependents ask this question because of their distorted sense of self and personal boundaries. As susceptible victims of mind control and brainwashing, or gaslighting, their reality is turned against them. They are convinced that when they want something, they are behaving selfishly. By convincing the codependent that they are selfish or narcissistic when they try to defend themselves or want something from the narcissist, they sense of power and control is effectively neutralized. Therefore, a codependent CANNOT be a narcissist. It is just impossible.

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The recent book, Psychiatry Under the Influence - co-authored by Robert Whitaker and Lisa Cosgrove - investigates the actions and practices of the psychiatry establishment and presents it as a case study of institutional corruption.

Stefan Molyneux and Robert Whitaker discuss the state of psychiatry, the dangers of antidepressants, the lack of science supporting the benefits of selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), the dangers to unborn children when pregnant mothers consume these medications and other shocking information which the general public does not yet understand about these commonly used drugs.

Psychiatry Under the Influence: Institutional Corruption, Social Injury, and Prescriptions for Reform - co-authored with Lisa Cosgrove:http://www.fdrurl.com/Whitaker-PUTI

Anatomy of an Epidemic: Magic Bullets, Psychiatric Drugs, and the Astonishing Rise of Mental Illness in America:http://www.fdrurl.com/Whitaker-AOAA

Mad in America: Bad Science, Bad Medicine, and the Enduring Mistreatment of the Mentally Ill: http://www.fdrurl.com/Whitaker-MIA

Robert Whitaker has won numerous awards as a journalist covering medicine and science, including the George Polk Award for Medical Writing and a National Association for Science Writers’ Award for best magazine article. In 1998, he co-wrote a series on psychiatric research for the Boston Globe that was a finalist for the Pulitzer Prize for Public Service. Anatomy of an Epidemic won the 2010 Investigative Reporters and Editors book award for best investigative journalism. For more on his work, please check out:http://www.robertwhitaker.org and http://www.madinamerica.com

When we are just beginning to practice, the process of incorporating the dharma is awkward because we’re still not that familiar with it. We look at whatever is happening and think, “Is this cause and effect, like what I heard? Is this suffering? Is it emptiness? Is it selflessness?” In the education system of more traditional spiritual cultures, you spend your early years just memorizing. This is a highly effective method for taking dharma into your day. The teachings you choose to memorize will soak into the mind and make an imprint.

Later, when you are practicing, or even driving down the road, words such as “May all beings enjoy happiness” will come easily to mind. The words are placed there for a reason. Like seeds in a garden, as you cultivate them, they begin to blossom. Then the structure of the words, and the words themselves, begin to fall away. There is a deep sense of connection, and you know what is being said. Then you begin to fall away, too, and only the dharma remains.

— Sakyong Mipham
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There are some people who always seem angry and continuously look for conflict. Walk away; the battle they are fighting isn’t with you, it is with themselves.

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Hear this interview to understand more about narcissism, what causes narcissism, and how to deal with narcissists in business and personal relationships? By Darlene Lancer, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Santa Monica, California, and author of “Dealing with a Narcissist: 8 Steps to Raise Self-Esteem and Set Boundaries with Difficult People.”

If you’re in any kind of relationship with a narcissist or just want to improve your understanding of narcissistic behavior and what narcissism is, this video can help!

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By connecting with our own worthiness, we connect with the worthiness of all humanity.

Sakyong Mipham

By not fighting with his internal wounds, by not insisting on making them go away, by not recruiting everyone in his intimate life to save him from his feelings of abandonment, by simply resting with them the way we do in meditation, he could learn, as the Buddha did, that he already was the love he thought he lacked.
— Mark Epstein

According the First Noble Truth, the first step in discovering truth and relieving our own and anyone else’s suffering is to acknowledge the pain and suffering that are present in our lives. Sometimes people assume that Buddhism is a pessimistic sort of tradition because of this teaching. In fact, however, recognizing that pain is simply part of being alive can be a relief. It is not a sign that we have done something wrong, stupid, or shameful. Yet I often catch myself and hear others making just that assumption—that pain and suffering are signs of some personal defect.

If I tell one friend that I have a cold, for instance, she is likely to say, “Well, how did that happen? Were you out without your hat in the cold?” Even more distressing is the view we all have heard at one time or another, which blames sufferers of serious diseases for having them: “Oh, yes, cancer is a sign of unexpressed grief.” Of course, as modern medical research is increasingly showing us, the mind and the body are deeply interconnected, and our attitudes, emotions, and behaviors do affect our health. Yet, even if we were able to do “everything right,” if we live long enough, we will not escape old age, sickness, and death.

— The Courage to be Present by Karen Kissel Wegela, page 14
http://www.shambhala.com/the-courage-to-be-present.html
There are many ways to approach meditation practice and training but unless we “know the one which liberates all” we can quite easily lose our way. What is “the one which liberates all?” We really need to recognize the nature of our minds when they are free of clinging to obscuring discursive thought and conflicting emotions. There are many methods for doing this but the most direct method is to sit on a cushion and constantly recognize the gaps between habitual engagement with thoughts. The discipline needed to do this practice is one which we could call “holding our seat.” Whatever thought state we experience we constantly have moments of gaps in habitual engagement. The training we do here follows the four yogas of mahamudra – these four yogas really are a way to develop the practice of not meditating or “nonmeditation.” First we need to have a way or method to develop our recognition of the gap – this is the method of developing “one-pointedness.” The nondistracted state is the state of nonmeditation but we simply are not used to this state so we need to rely on a technique.
It is important to understand the view here so that we don’t get confused about the natural state of nondistraction and some kind of rigid type of meditation which is based on suppressing thoughts and mental states. The technique should allow you to be present with whatever is arising without becoming habitually involved with it. So the technique moves us beyond “picking and choosing.
— The Practice of “Knowing the One”

Meditate.
Live purely.
Be quiet.
Do your work, with mastery.

Like the moon,
come out from behind the clouds!
Shine.

— The Dhammapada
Bądź miękki w swojej praktyce. Myśl o metodzie jak o subtelnym srebrzystym strumieniu, nie jak o grzmiącym wodospadzie. Podążaj za nim, miej wiarę w jego kierunek. Będzie płynął własną drogą, wił się tu i sączył tam. Znajdzie rowki, pęknięcia i szczeliny. Zwyczajnie podążaj za nim. Nigdy nie spuszczaj go z oczu..
— Sheng-yen
Poprzez miłość do ciebie chcę wyrazić moją miłość do całego kosmosu, do całej ludzkości, do wszystkich istot. Żyjąc z tobą chcę się nauczyć kochać każdego człowieka i każde żyjące stworzenie. Kiedy będę potrafił kochać ciebie, będę potrafił kochać każdego i wszystko, co żyje na Ziemi… Oto prawdziwe przesłanie miłości.
— Thich Nhat Hanh, Nauki o miłości
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Kati Morton talks about OCPD (obsessive compulsive personality disorder): what it is, how we diagnose it, and what our treatment options are.
OCPD is when we have a pattern of preoccupation with orderliness, perfectionism, and control. These desires or pattern of behavior will come at the expense of flexibility, openness and efficiency. It usually begins in early adulthood and must be present in a variety of contexts.
We must have 4 out of the following 8 symptoms:
1. Preoccupied with lists, details, rules, order, organization or schedules to the extent that the major point of the activity is lost.
2. Shows perfectionism that interferes with task completion.
3. Is excessively devoted to work and productivity to the exclusion of leisure activities.
4. Is overconscientious, scrupulous, and inflexible about matters of morality. This cannot be accounted for by cultural or religious identification.
5. Is unable to discard worn-out or worthless objects even when they have no sentimental value.
6.Reluctant to delegate tasks or to work with others unless they submit to exactly his or her way of doing things.
7. Adopts a miserly spending style.
8. Shows rigidity and stubbornness.
*all of the criteria here is from the DSM 5.

When the Buddha taught, he didn’t say that we were bad people or that there was some sin that we had committed—original or otherwise—that made us more ignorant than clear, more harsh than gentle, more closed than open. He taught that there is a kind of innocent misunderstanding that we all share, something that can be turned around, corrected, and seen through, as if we were in a dark room and someone showed us where the light switch was. It isn’t a sin that we are in the dark room. It’s just an innocent situation, but how fortunate that someone shows us where the light switch is. It brightens up our life considerably. We can start to read books, to see one another’s faces, to discover the colors of the walls, to enjoy the little animals that creep in and out of the room.
— Pema Chödrön
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Nie ma emocji dobrych i złych. Emocje są reakcją na otoczenie, zmiany, bodźce. Pojawiają się pod wpływem tego, czego doświadczamy w relacji z otaczającym światem. Świat dziecka charakteryzuje się spontanicznością i brakiem kontroli nad zachowaniami, ekspresja wyrażania stanów emocjonalnych bywa bardzo duża. W jaki sposób pomóc dziecku rozładowywać złość czy agresję? Jak wspierać i rozpoznawać potrzeby dzieci? Czy złość jest zła?

Czy można stwierdzić, że niektóre emocje są trudne? Czy rozpędzona „kula śniegowa" złości dziecka jest w stanie się zatrzymać? Co robić gdy rodzic nie jest gotowy na przyjęcie trudnych emocji dziecka? Na te i szereg innych pytań odpowiedziała dr Barbara Arska-Karyłowska w Strefie Rodzica poświęconej emocjom.

In the practice of sitting meditation you relate to your daily life all the time. Meditation practice brings our neuroses to the surface rather than hiding them at the bottom of our minds. It enables us to relate to our lives as something workable.
— Chögyam Trungpa
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When we come to understand the paradox that what we most value in our lives was often born out of conflict and struggle, we can begin to get a glimmer that perhaps one day we may begin to embrace our difficulties and give thanks for them, even if that day is not today. http://ow.ly/VyA5b

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